Should marriage nowadays be considered as one cultural element among many? As a sacrament? Or a need and a framework a little outdated to raise children? How does the Bible define this link between a man and a woman?
Neither religious nor cultural, marriage, according to the Word of God, is the expression of the creative will of the heavenly Father. It is not what men have made of it, namely a contract, but a covenant as God had conceived it, a divine institution from the creation of the world. An alliance is always initiated for the benefit of the other, and relationships are characterized by unconditional promises. The covenant is based on constant love and commitment.
The Lord Jesus Christ Himself, in the Gospels and the Apostle Paul in His Epistles, both refer to a “founding” text of marriage: the account of Creation in the book of Genesis (Genesis 2:18-24).
Genesis 2 : 18-24 « 18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 19And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 21And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. » KJV
Marriage is God’s intention for man from the beginning of his history. It was therefore not invented by men or by the state, but was established by God when He created the first man and woman. From the beginning, God established that the family unit would be the most important of all institutions on earth, the channel through which He would extend His dominion to change the world.
Marriage, therefore, is more than a matter of feelings; it is also a matter of obedience and faith. We surrender to God and trust Him for the choice of our spouse and for a life for two.
Love «feeling» or love «fleshly» are not enough for a marriage to succeed : the first is only an excitement of the senses and the second an ephemeral satisfaction of the flesh. Marriage is first spiritual, then manifested in the flesh. God Himself speaks of marriage as a mystery, and true love comes only from Him (Ephesians 5:31-33).
Ephesians 5 : 31-33 « 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. » KJV
To attach oneself to one’s wife is a matter of unity of spirit; to become one flesh is a matter of unity of the flesh. The unity of the spirit always precedes that of the flesh. And finally, the Spirit of God will bind the two spirits united by a bond of love, a love coming from Him. It is the work of God, a mystery for us.
Love is often there, poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, but stifled by our characters and our vain way of life inherited from our parents (1 Peter 1:18) which, if we are not careful, can “take marriage hostage”. Indeed, and this is normal, we have all received from our parents, our families, our cultures and our experiences good, but also bad things which go against the message of the Gospel. We must, as Paul says to the Ephesians and to each of us, “leave”; leave any mode of operation that is not based on the Word of God, to adhere to a new culture : that of the Kingdom of God.
1 Peter 1 : 18 « 18Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers. » KJV
Marriage, according to Genesis 2:24, consists of :
First, for the man, to leave his father and mother.
To cling to his wife.
To become one flesh with her. In the narrow sense of the term, this is equivalent to having sex, in a union of bodies and, in the broader sense, to living together. Sex is not marriage in itself and the Word of God considers sex only in the context of marriage.
Every man should consider his wife a gift from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22).
Proverbs 18 : 22 « 22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. » KJV
After our conversion, there is no more important subject in life than marriage, which is a link for our earthly existence and which should be dissolved only by death. Marriage is a lifelong commitment by which a man and a woman unite freely, publicly, before God and men, in accordance with the laws and customs in the country. In most countries, the marriage is effective at the time of the official engagement before the authorities. Common life, even after many years, cannot borrow the term of marriage, but remains cohabitation. God makes the difference between the two (John 4:17-18).
John 4 : 17-18 « 17The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: 18For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. » KJV
And because this commitment is for life, the believer should consent only after careful consideration and above all in prayer. Unfortunately, many and even among Christians, often marry for the wrong reasons:
Some give into pressure from relatives or friends;
Others marry to leave their parents, or to have children, or for “prestige”;
Others because they believed in the “myths” surrounding marriage.
The myths of marriage
We will mention only a few of them.
The first of these myths is to believe that marriage will end loneliness. In reality, millions of married people remain desperately alone even after their marriage.
The second myth is that marriage will heal the wounds of the past. Only Jesus Christ can heal those wounds.
The third myth, certainly the most widespread, is that a marriage is the guarantee of happiness. Marriage does not automatically transform someone; an unhappy bachelor will become an unhappy spouse, a bitter bachelor a bitter spouse and a greedy bachelor a greedy spouse. Marriage is unable of profoundly transforming a life or character. Such changes can only be effected by the inner work of the Holy Spirit.
The last myth we will discuss here is that marriage is God’s plan for everyone. That is not true. In Matthew 19: 12, Jesus defends those who chose not to marry because of the Kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 19 : 12 « 12For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. » KJV
God has given them the ability to remain single all their lives and to be happy about it. We could also call it the “gift of celibacy”. The path of consecrated celibacy, pure and holy, nevertheless remains the exception rather than the rule for humanity. Marriage is therefore not a goal in itself and not all are called to marry.
On the other hand, everyone even single people have a family : their loved ones or their spiritual community. They also have a Heavenly Husband, Jesus Christ.(2 Corinthians 11: 2).
2 Corinthians 11 : 2 « 2For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. » KJV
