For the woman who wishes to marry
She must not seek a husband by any means, but trust in God who, in His time, will present her to the one He has prepared for her. In this expectation, she prays for the spouse whom she does not yet know, so that God may form in him the character of Christ and he may reach the state of “man-made” to measure of the perfect stature of Jesus Christ.
It is up to the man to make a step towards her. Even if God gives to the woman first conviction for the choice of her future spouse, she will keep this revelation in the secret of her heart and, in patient expectation, pray that the will of God be fulfilled. She must not declare her love to the chosen one of her heart, nor make advances to him, much less ask him to marry.
The man shall talk with her parents because the woman is under their authority until she marries, even if she no longer lives in their house. It is a sign of respect towards God, towards her parents but also towards his future wife. God’s blessing rests on children who honor their parents.
For the man who wants to get married
The choice of a wife is certainly the most important decision for a man after following Jesus Christ, both decisions being irrevocable and commitments for a lifetime. That is why the decision to marry cannot be made on a whim, nor on the basis of feelings alone.
The man who feels ready to start a home must ask God in prayer to prepare his future wife for him: a woman of value, according to the heart of God, who will correspond to him. The Lord knows perfectly, and even better than the man, his needs and what is best for him.
It is God alone who reveals this bride to the heart of man. No guiding prophecy concerning the choice of spouse should be accepted from whomsoever it may come. Only a prophecy coming in confirmation of what God has already deposited in the heart of the man could be taken into consideration.
Marry a child of God
Patriarch Abraham had said to his servant:
Genesis 24: 2-3 « 2And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: 3And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: » KJV
He attached such importance to it that he made his servant swear by oath to obey this order. Centuries later, the apostle Paul also wrote to the Corinthians to marry whomever they wanted, on one condition:
1 Corinthians 7:39 « 39The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. » KJV
Paul exhorted believers not to put themselves under a mismatched yoke, by marrying unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 « 14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. » KJV
In the sight of God, marriage between a true Christian and a pagan is not according to Him but disobedience; and he who consents to it must expect difficulties in his household because any person who is not under the authority of Christ is, by nature, a slave to herself, to the world and Satan, its prince. Thus many homes are born, and sometimes deliberately, out of the will of God.
The choice of spouse should always be made by a person who has the fear of God and shares the same faith in Christ. And if, for whatever reason, the person with whom one wishes to live his life is not in Christ, it will be necessary first to intercede for her before the Father, so that she may give her life to the Lord before considering going further with her.
It is written that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by his believing wife, and their children also (1 Corinthians 7:14).
1 Corinthians 7:14 «14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. » KJV
This does not mean that the unbelieving husband of this woman and their children are sinless! They were just set apart by God because of the believing woman in that home, waiting for them to come to Christ as well.
The engagement
The time of engagement is the appropriate time to get to know each other, communicating heart-to-heart on all matters that affect the couple (the role of each, the priorities of the couple, education to be given to children, etc.) to ensure that one can walk in life in unity.
This time of engagement is lived in purity and self-control, because of the fear of God but also out of respect for each other.
Engagement must be conceived as a solemn commitment, a mutual promise of marriage between a man and a woman. It would therefore be a mistake to make such a commitment lightly!
The threefold cord
When a man and woman marry, God is a party to their covenant, if it is He who initiates it.
Marriage is a commitment before God even if men have reduced it to a mere relational dimension between man and woman, for their only physical and emotional satisfaction.
From the first chapters of the Bible, in the book of Genesis more precisely, we see how God had established a personal relationship with man whom He met every day and with whom He spoke regularly. The first couple was actually Trinitarian: Adam, Eve and the Lord God.
In the face of problems and temptations that will not fail to arise, a couple who does not rely on God can only rely on themselves, without divine help or direction. But when spouses who have made God the “third thread of the cord” go through the same trials or live moments of tension within the couple, God Himself will work in their hearts, appease them and restore them.
This is the principle of “the threefold cord”, which does not break easily:
Ecclesiastes 4:12 «12And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. » KJV
There is always a trinitarian relationship that God wants for all couples today, the Holy Spirit “binding” in deep unity both spouses to their Creator.
What God asks of woman
In the New Testament, husbands are asked to love their wives as Christ loved the Church; and wives are asked to submit to their husbands and be subordinated to them as the Church is to Christ:
Ephesians 5: 22-24 « 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. » KJV
Subordination has never meant inferiority. The Son, though of divine essence like the Father, is subject to Him:
1 Corinthians 15:28 « 28And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all. » KJV
A woman must be subject to her husband. God does not ask a man to submit his wife by force; He wants her to be submitted of her own free will to her husband and that she should respect him deeply, but such submission is impossible without the revelation of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. God has established man as the head and leader of his family; to submit to her husband is in reality to submit to God and accept to be attentive to what God says or decides through a man who acts according to His Word. Every man who desires his wife to be subject to him must first meet the expectations of God, namely, submit himself to the Lord and love his wife as Christ loves His Church.
If a Christian woman walks in obedience to the Word of God, and her husband asks her to do things that are dishonourable, shameful or contrary to the will of the Lord, she is not obliged to obey her husband.
Acts 5: 29 « 29Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. » KJV
If an unfaithful husband rejects his wife because she loves God and chooses to separate from her, divorce becomes possible
1 Corinthians 7:15 « 15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. » KJV
What does God ask of man?
Ephesians 5: 25-29 « 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church » KJV
Christ’s love for His Church is a love that sanctifies, elevates and nourishes both the soul and the spirit. The man who walks in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16) will be able to love his wife by God’s standard.
Loving is not a feeling that depends on the merits of the wife. What man deserved Christ to die for him? The love of a husband for his wife is a decided love and marriage is a gift of self.
A word about authority within the couple: if the man does not have the character of a head of household, his wife must help him to exercise his authority and he himself must ask God to transform his character. If his wife, instead of helping him to take over as head of the family, replaces him in this position, they both become rebellious to the will of God and endanger their homes. Such a family cannot reflect the glory of God.
Sexual intimacy within the couple
The sexual relationship has several goals: procreation of course but before that intimacy, complicity and pleasure.
When sexual relations are not lawful, the Holy Scriptures speak of “porneia”, a word that has given « pornography ». Fornication (sexual intercourse before marriage) and adultery (sexual intercourse with a partner other than his spouse) are condemned by the Bible, as are all sexual perversions.
Sex, in the God-defined framework of marriage, is a good thing. Never call « evil » what God has created and called Himself “good”. Indeed, God is the creator of sexuality and it is, therefore, a good thing, like everything that God has created; but Satan then distorted it (into pornography, etc.).
If the Bible does not encourage unbridled sexuality within the couple, it is not that it makes it a taboo subject. The Scriptures speak freely and wisely. The rule in the married couple is not to deprive each other, except by mutual agreement
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 « 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. » KJV
We must not harm our spouse by sexual intercourse; doing so would be opening the door to temptation and would be contrary to the will of God.
The spiritual intimacy within the couple
We need to pray for each other within the couple and spiritual intimacy is enhanced whenever the couple discuss matters of a spiritual nature. It is a matter of “discussing”, not of “preaching” to one’s spouse.
The first pair to whom this wonderful promise of Matthew 18:19-20 is addressed is the couple.
Matthew 18:19-20 « 19Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. » KJV
Agreement, harmony and understanding within the couple are prerequisites for their prayers to be answered. Common prayer enhances the relationship with God and the feeling of spiritual intimacy.
We should also study the Holy Scriptures together. Spouses who are both involved in Bible study or share the fruit of their individual study, greatly improve their intimacy within the couple.
It is a true grace to serve God together. Most Christian couples are involved in one type of service, but many work separately. There is nothing wrong with that; however, spiritual intimacy increases when one gets involved as a couple in the same project.
Finally, it would be beautiful to dream together because spiritual intimacy is also nourished by common dreams. Man and woman are called to form a spiritual team, a fortress of faith which the enemy cannot shake.
Christ is our Bridegroom
Marriage is an illustration of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Ephesians 5:31-32 « 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. » KJV
The conjugal union is so important to God that He has chosen it to illustrate the relationship between His Son and His people. The Old Testament already said that God considered Himself to be the Spouse of Israel (Isaiah 54:5).
Isaiah 54: 5 « 5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. » KJV
God’s ultimate purpose in creation was to give a Bride to His Son.
In marriage, as we have said before, we must “leave”. To be the Bride that Christ desires, we must also leave the world and no longer function in its vain way of life.
The Church is the Bride of Christ, who stood before her to redeem her from sin and defend her against the devil.
The New Testament ends with a sigh that ascends to the Lord Jesus Christ : “Come”.
Revelation 22:17 «17And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. » KJV
Revelation 22 : 20 « 20He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. » KJV
The Bride is waiting for her heavenly Spouse to come and fetch her, as was already done at that time in the Jewish tradition.
The Bride is a Church that is passionate for Christ, the one that the Holy Spirit prepares for His coming.
